How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others (and Stop Feeling Lousy About Yourself and Your Life)

by Henrik Edberg

“If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.” Quote by Max Ehrman

One very common and destructive daily habit is to constantly compare your life and yourself to other people and their lives. You compare cars, houses, jobs, shoes, money, relationships, social popularity and so on. And at the end of the day you pummel your self esteem to the ground and you create a lot of negative feelings within. And perhaps also outside of yourself.

So what can you do? How can you get a handle on this habit?

In this article I’ll share what I have done. I’ll start with two habits that I use to replace that destructive habit. Then I’ll move on to a few more general tips that have also helped me.

Compare yourself to yourself.

First, instead of comparing yourself to other people create the habit of comparing yourself to yourself. See how much you have grown, what you have achieved and what progress you have made towards your goals.

This habit has the benefit of creating gratitude, appreciation and kindness towards yourself as you observe how far you have come, the obstacles you have overcome and the good stuff you have done. You feel good about yourself without having to think less of other people.

You can make this habit stick by for instance taking a few minutes each day or just each Sunday (or any day that fits you) to use a journal to write down how you have grown, how much closer you are to your goals now, what you have overcome and learned and so on.

By doing so your thinking will over time shift and your thought patterns will automatically become more focused on comparing you to you rather than to other people.

Be kind.

In my experience, the way you behave and think towards others seems to have a big, big effect on how you behave towards yourself and think about yourself.

Judge and criticize people more and you tend to judge and criticize yourself more (often almost automatically). Be more kind to other people and help them and you tend to be more kind and helpful to yourself.

So focus your mind on helping people and being kind.

Focus on the positive things in yourself and in the people around you. Appreciate what is positive in yourself and others. This way you become more OK with yourself and the people in your world instead of ranking them and yourself and creating differences in your mind.

You are OK and so are they.

Now, a few more tips that can be helpful to move away from that comparison trap:

- Just realize that you can’t win. Just consciously realizing this is helpful. No matter what you do you can pretty much always find someone else in the world that has more than you or are better than you at something. Yes, you may feel good for a while when you get a nicer car than your neighbour. But a week or two later you’ll see someone from the next block with an even finer car than yours.

- Give up both sides of comparing. If you can’t stop doing the negative comparisons then stop doing the comparisons that make you feel good too. Give them both up, at least for a while. If you’re in the habit of comparing to feel better about yourself then it’s hard to just stop at that and to not also start comparing in way that make you feel worse and inferior too. So you may need to step out of that whole comparing habit because the two sides are often connected. Give up the upside to be able to move away from the downside.

And that is basically how I do it, that is how I keep those negative comparisons to a minimum in my life.

Winston Churchill’s Top 6 Fundamentals for a Successful Life

by Henrik Edberg.

“Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.”

“We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.”

Winston Churchill is probably no stranger to anyone. He was an inspirational British leader during the Second World War.

He was also a writer, historian, poet, artist and the only British Prime Minister to receive the Nobel Prize in Literature.

Here are a few of my favorite fundamentals from Churchill on how to improve your life.

1. Focus on what you are doing right now.

“It is a mistake to look too far ahead. Only one link in the chain of destiny can be handled at a time.”

“It is always wise to look ahead, but difficult to look further than you can see.”

When you start to look too far into the future then any task or project can seem close to impossible. And so you shut down because you become overwhelmed and start surfing the internet aimlessly instead. That is one of the reasons why it is good to plan for the future but then to shift your focus back to today and the present moment.

Then you just focus on taking the first step today. That is all you need to focus on, nothing else. By taking the first step you change your mental state from resistant to “hey, I’m doing this, cool”. You put yourself in state where you become more positive and open, a state where you may not be enthusiastic about taking the next step after this first one but you are at least accepting it. And so you can take the next step. And the next one after that.

The thing is, you can’t see the whole path anyway and it will shift and reveal itself along the way. That’s why the best of plans tend to fall apart at least a bit as you start to put it into action. You discover that your map of reality doesn’t look like reality.

2. Be concerned about action.

“I never worry about action, but only about inaction”

Yes, taking action can lead to failure, rejection or making mistakes. There is always a risk for that. But if you stay in inaction then you are pretty much guaranteed that nothing will change or improve.

How can you improve your action habit though? Three tips:

- Reconnect with the present moment. This will help you snap out of over thinking and just go and do whatever you want to get done. It is one of the best tips I have found so far for taking more action since it puts you in a state where you feel little emotional resistance to the work you’ll do. And it puts you in state where the right actions often just seem to flow out of you in a focused but relaxed way and without much effort. One of the simplest ways to connect with the present moment is just to keep your focus on your breathing for a minute or two. Check out 7 more tips in 8 Ways to Return to the Present Moment.

- Lighten up. One way to dissuade yourself from taking action is to take whatever you are about to do too seriously. That makes it feel too big, too difficult and too scary. If you on the other hand relax a bit and lighten up you often realize that those problems and negative feelings are just something you are creating in your own mind. With a lighter state of mind your tasks seems lighter and becomes easier to get started with.

- Start small. To get from a state where you just feel like sitting on your chair and doing nothing much to one where you take action over and over you can do this: start small. Getting started with your biggest task or most difficult action may seem too much and land you in Procrastinationland. So instead, start with something that doesn’t seem so hard. One of my favorites is simply to take a few minutes to clean my desk. After that the next thing doesn’t seem so difficult to get started with since I’m now in a more of a “take action” kind of mode.

3. Be an optimist.

“The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.”

“Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.”

“I am an optimist. It does not seem too much use being anything else.”

Focusing on what helps you sure makes a huge difference compared to if you keep focusing on what is wrong in every situation or what makes you more of a victim. It’s like living in two different worlds.

How do you make the shift to a more optimistic attitude? Well, it takes time. But gradually you can change it. Four of my own most favorite tips are:

- Take care of the basic fundamentals. This is for me the most important thing you can do to maintain and strengthen your positive attitude. How you eat, sleep and workout is huge factor. A good lifestyle, how you live your life on normal days determine how you feel, think and how much energy you will have. For example, exercising and keeping my testosterone levels pretty high consistently I do that by focusing on free weight exercises that target many and big muscle groups – is a very simple way to get a lot of positive emotions to flow through my body automatically. A good workout always seems to do the trick.

- Positive influences. Fill your mind and emotional system with positive input from people, music and programs/books. Other people’s thoughts have a big influence and emotions are contagious. Limit your time with negative people. Reduce TV or magazines that may make you feel worse about what you don’t own or your body. Or just create fear and negativity within you (for instance a lot of news shows). Limiting negative influences can make it a lot easier to keep the positive attitude up.

- Set the context for your day. What you do early in the day often sets the context for your day. We have a tendency to want to be consistent with what we have done before. You can use that your advantage in few ways. You can for example do the hardest thing on your to-do list first. When it is done you’ll feel good about yourself and it makes the day feel easier and you’ll have less inner resistance to getting the rest of the tasks of the day done.

- Act as you want to feel. Act as if you are feeling positive. After a few minutes you will actually feel it for real. So smile. Use positive language. And so on. It feels weird at first but it really works.

Just practicing these four things in a consistent way can make a huge difference in your life.

4. Be persistent. Don’t give up.

“Continuous effort – not strength or intelligence – is the key to unlocking our potential”

“If you’re going through hell, keep going.”

Since society often tells us to look for quick fixes it’s easy to make the mistake of giving up to soon. After you have failed perhaps 1-5 times. That’s the “normal” thing to do. But what could have happened if someone just kept going after that? And for each failure learned more and more about what works?

I think people often make a mistake of giving up too early. Your mind probably has a reasonable time-frame for success. This might not correspond to a realistic time-frame though.

It’s useful to take a break from advertised perspectives and let more realistic perspectives seep into your mind. Learn from people who have gone where you want to go. Talk to them. Read what they have to say in books or online. This will not give complete plan but a clearer perspective of what is needed to achieve what you want.

Now, that’s not to say that you should never quit. But it can be helpful to keep going on your current path for a while longer.

And that’s not to say that you should do the same thing over and over in exactly the same manner. It’s better to do and get an experience. Take the lessons you can learn from that real life experience. And then adjust how you do things as you try again.

It obviously helps immensely if you find what you really like to do. And what you really, really want. Then you’ll find the inner motivation to keep going, to get what you want and to build on inner strengths like persistence.

5. Don’t lose the enthusiasm.

“Success is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm.”

It’s very easy to get down on yourself and your results when things don’t go as planned. What was once enthusiasm can quickly become apathy and pessimism.

But how do you do keep up the enthusiasm after things have gone wrong and you just feel like giving up? Well, as I mentioned in the previous fundamental, it certainly helps to have something you really like doing and something you really want.

And the tips found in fundamental # 3 such as keeping your energy up, acting as you would like to feel and keeping away from negative influences work very well here too. A good additional tip is simply to ask better questions in “negative” situations. Instead of asking yourself why this or you suck ask yourself questions that empower you.

Questions like:

What can I learn from this?
What is the hidden opportunity in this situation?

6. Remember, most troubles never happen.

“When I look back on all these worries, I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened”

One final, quick thought. But a very important one. Most things you fear will happen never happen. They are just monsters in your own mind. And if they happen then they will most often not be as painful or bad as you expected. Worrying is most often just a waste of time.

This is of course easy to say. But if you think back and remind yourself of how little of what you feared throughout your life that has actually happened you can start to release more and more worry from your thoughts.

This makes it a lot easier to start doing more of what you really want in life. And to move through your day to day life with a lighter, happier and more optimistic attitude.

Rescued

Author unknown

A little girl whose parents had died lived with her grandmother and slept in an upstairs bedroom. One night there was a fire in the house and the grandmother perished while trying to rescue the child. The fire spread quickly, and the first floor of the house was soon engulfed in flames.

Neighbors called the fire department, then stood helplessly by, unable to enter the house because flames blocked all the entrances. The little girl appeared at an upstairs window, crying for help, just as word spread among the crowd that firefighters would be delayed a few minutes because they were all at another fire.

Suddenly, a man appeared with a ladder, put it up against the side of the house and disappeared inside. When he reappeared, he had the little girl in his arms. He delivered the child to the waiting arms below, and then disappeared into the night.

An investigation revealed that the child had no living relatives, and weeks later a meeting was held in the town hall to determine who would take the child into their home and bring her up.

A teacher said she would like to raise the child. She pointed out that she could ensure her a good education. A farmer offered her an upbringing on his farm. He pointed out that living on a farm was healthy and satisfying. Others spoke, giving their reasons why it was to the child's advantage to live with them.

Finally, the town's richest resident arose and said, "I can give this child all the advantages that you have mentioned here, plus money and everything that money can buy."

Throughout all this, the child remained silent, her eyes on the floor.

"Does anyone else want to speak?" asked the meeting chairman. A man came forward from the back of the hall. His gait was slow and he seemed in pain. When he got to the front of the room, he stood directly before the little girl and held out his arms. The crowd gasped. His hands and arms were terribly scarred.

The child cried out, "This is the man who rescued me!" With a leap she threw her arms around the man's neck, holding on for dear life, just as she had that fateful night. She buried her face in his shoulder and sobbed for a few moments. Then she looked up and smiled at him.

"This meeting is adjourned," said the chairman.

Little Girl On A Plane

An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger." The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?" " Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?" as he smiled smugly. "OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff -grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?" The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea." To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death, when you don't know crap?" And then she went back to reading her book.

This Moment Is All We Have

Have you ever watched kids playing on a merry go round,
or listened to the rain lapping on the ground?

Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight,
or gazed at the sun into the fading night?

Do you run through each day on the fly?
When you ask "How are you?" Do you hear the
reply?

When the day is done, do you lie in your bed,
with the next hundred chores running through your
head?

Ever told your child, "We'll do it tomorrow."
And in your haste, not see their sorrow?

When you worry and hurry through your day,
it is like an unopened gift....Thrown away....

Life is not a race. So take it slower.
We must hear the music, before the song is over.

"Today is a gift. That's why it is called the present"

Being Great

I don't think it's normal to be great. I think it's special. The human condition is to be average and to survive. And everybody assumes that everybody wants to be as good as they can be all the time, but that's not true. If that was the case, everybody would be doing fantastic out there. So it's special to be as good as you can be. It's special to work to reach your full potential. It's special to go do it every day, day-in and day-out and never give yourself a break."
--Nick Saban

Urgency

By Les Brown

We have to live life with a sense of urgency so not a minute is wasted. Failure, defeat and loss afflict us all. Expect it, and learn to deal with it. And then learn to get back to life without waiting for an invitation. One way to do that is to trust in a power greater than yourself, and to believe good things are going to follow—great things will occur when you get up, dust yourself off, and go at life with renewed determination and courage.

10 Ways to Not Waste Your Life

By: Mark Merrill


Part of being a responsible adult means not wasting things, especially your life. Here are 10 ways to not waste your life. Hope you are challenged by this list!

1. Believe
Belief is the most powerful, positive life-changer in the arsenal. Believe that you are a valued person with something to contribute, and chances are you will.

2. Know where you’re headed
Dr. Seuss said, “You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose.” Setting and achieving goals is necessary for purposeful change. Both short term, “I’m going to spend the evening with my child so he goes to sleep feeling loved.” and long-term, “By Christmas I’ll be able to tell my AA group and my family I’ve been sober for six-months.”

3. Identify a better reference point for success
Know that our standard for a successful life is found in serving others, being a great parent, loving our spouse. These standards are more conducive to satisfaction and success than “Beautiful, because I’m worth it”, or “He who dies with the most toys wins.”

4. Value relationships above all else
Value relationships above results. Value serving others above being served. Value investing in people above investing in things.

5. Remember where your joy and value comes from
A dependence on anything external for happiness is unnecessary: If we “need” others to make us happy, or if we need achievements to feel worthy, we undermine our reason for being. The simple fact that we are loved and valued by the Creator is sufficient. Your joy comes from knowing who you are and whose you are.

6. Live in the moment
“I’ll feel like I’ve achieved something when _________ happens.” “Just let me get that new ________, and I’ll be good.” This kind of thinking ensures we’ll remain dependent on “more” for satisfaction. Live in the moment. Be grateful for what we have right now. Be content in our present circumstances.

7. Defer short-term thrills in favor of long-term rewards
We often sacrifice long-term joy, satisfaction and contentment for short-term thrills and personal pleasure. Things like sex outside of marriage, pornography, and gambling will never satisfy. What will satisfy is sex in a marital relationship, lasting and loving relationships, living a life of purpose, and hard work.

8. Always continue learning
Life-long learners adopt the ongoing posture of reinvention and redemption. Learners ask questions rather than act as if they know all the answers. It’s difficult to waste your life when you are humble and open to new ideas.

9. Don’t sweat the small stuff
Knowing what we value puts everything else into perspective. If we know what really matters in life, then we’re not as likely to get caught up in, or bothered by, things that don’t have a long-term or eternal impact.

10. Never do anything you wouldn’t be comfortable doing in the presence of your Maker.
If in doubt about this, talk it over with God first.

Attitudes Are More Important Than Facts

12 step program for a good attitude!

Read these twelve points every day for the next thirty days and see how your life changes.

1. It is your attitude at the beginning of a task that more than anything else determines your success or failure.

2. It is your attitude towards life that will determine life's attitude towards you. Despite many people's belief to the contrary, life pays no favorites.

3. You control your attitude. If you are negative it is because you have decided to be negative and not because of other people or circumstances.

4. Act as if you have a good attitude. Remember actions trigger feelings just as feelings trigger actions.

5. Before a person can achieve the kind of results he wants, he must first become that person. He must then think, walk, talk, act and conduct himself in all of his affairs, as would the person he wishes to become.

6. Treat everybody as the most important person in the world.

7. Attitudes are based on assumptions. In order to change attitudes one must first change one's assumptions.

8. Develop the attitude that there are more reasons why you should succeed than reasons why you should fail.

9. When you are faced with a problem, adopt the attitude that you can and will solve it.

10. We become what we think about. Control your thoughts and you will control your life.

11. Radiate the attitude of confidence, of well being, of a person who knows where he is going. You will then find good things happening to you right away.

12. In order to develop a good attitude, take charge first thing in the morning. Do you say, "Good morning, Lord" or "Good Lord, morning?"

Zoo Workers

The San Francisco Zoo has an elephant named Calle who has a chronic illness, requiring medication. The zoo couldn't get Calle to take her dose orally, so a Cal pharmacologist developed a suppository. The 10-inch long, four-pound, cocoa-butter bullets are crafted by the good folks at Guittard Chocolates in Burlingame. Administering the DAILY medication takes five zoo workers, including one person to distract Calle with treats and one person who wears a full-arm glove to "deliver" the medicine. FIVE people have jobs worse than yours!! Now stop complaining and get back to work.

The True Measure Of A Man

By: Richard E. Simmons III

Here is what I hear from men all the time: They struggle with feelings of 1)
insecurity, 2) inadequacy, 3) isolation, 4) loneliness, and 5) fear washed in
anxiety. Why? They have the wrong set of dreams—all wrong—and they don’t know
who they are.

It is heartbreaking to see men waste their entire lives trying to convince other
people that they are someone they are not. This is why men’s souls do not grow
mighty in spirit and courage. They spend their existence covering up and living
in fear they will one day be discovered as a fraud. There is a voice inside
them that keeps telling them that in spite of all the ornaments they collect in
life, they are still not OK. The results are a lifelong tension with guilt,
shame, and anxiety. Jerry Leachman, Chaplain of the Washington Redskins
(1995-2007)

Irrespective of how talented, attractive, intelligent, or wealthy you may be
life is difficult and full of struggles and pain. So many people live silently
with broken dreams and broken lives.

Of all the suicides in the United States, 80 percent are committed by men.

There is one question we men are always asking ourselves. It often seems to be
the central question that must finally be answered before we will make certain
decisions or take a definitive course of action. It is a question, I believe,
that haunts many a man’s life: What will people think about me?

Men so often define themselves by what they do, who they know, or what they
own. And when they do so, they unwittingly set themselves up for a great
confusion and failure in their personal lives, particularly when a major
economic storm arises.

When we equate our worth as human beings with our individual performances, we
put our identities at grave risk. Any type of perceived failure from the
perspective of an ego built on such a shaky foundation can easily lead us to
conclude that our lives are not worth very much.

Many men are no longer concerned with lives of excellence. Instead, no matter
how much a man accomplishes, he does not believe he is successful unless others
know about it. We now regard success as achievement plus proper recognition of
our achievement. The recognition is what makes us feel worthwhile and that we
measure up as men. Christopher Lasch, author of The Culture of Narcissism, has
perhaps said it best: [Men] would rather be envied for their material success
than respected for their character.

Many a man’s first question when making decisions is usually, How does it affect
me in the eyes of others? Their second question. What will they think of me
and will I win their approval?

Always looking to impress, egos easily become swollen with attention and the
need to be noticef.

When all is said and done, we must accept that we have a radically unstable,
temporal foundation on which we have anchored our identity and that something is
fundamentally wrong with this approach to life.

What would happen if we let the person who determines our worth be God?

Recognizing that God is the supreme and ultimate reality who stands behind all
of life is crucial for all of us.

A person gets his identity in life based on how the most important person in his
life sees him.

What do you think would happen to a person’s life if Jesus Christ were the most
important person in that person’s life? What if Jesus Christ was the audience
we sought to please most? It would truly transform our lives because Jesus
understands we are each of incredible value. We are of infinite worth to Him.
He loves us with an everlasting love.

I truly believe most men are not driven to succeed; on the contrary, they are
driven not to fail.

Fear and shame are a primary cause of depression in men during times of
trouble. Too few men know how to share with others their fears, the pain in
their lives, and their struggles, particularly if it makes them look weak or
like a failure. So men naturally clam up and silently carry the load on their
backs. In the process they withdraw from others and live very lonely, isolated
lives.

This withdrawal, of course, has a significant impact on our relationships with
other men because what we really fear is how our failure will appear in the eyes
of our peers and especially those we consider our friends. This explains why we
always try to maintain the appearance that our lives are flourishing and that we
really have it together but have no lifelong deep relationships. If all I can
offer you is a superficial image of my true self, why should I expect to end up
with anything but superficial relationships that have no real depth? Fear of
failure and our inability to deal with that fear create shallow personal
relationships.

The fear of failure also causes individuals to play it safe in life. We find
ourselves avoiding reasonable risks that we should probably take. Not wanting
to look bad in the eyes of others, our judgment becomes critically impaired, and
we find ourselves not pursuing viable opportunities—even when failure is a
remote possibility.

Some of life’s most sacred truths can be learned only as we walk through our
individual storms in life. We all have them. Yet all we ever seem to want is
relief and comfort. We demand instant solutions, but what we fail to recognize
is that although God can solve all of our problems, instant solutions are not
important to Him. What is important to Him is how we respond to our struggles.

I find that so many men instinctively respond to their negative circumstances
not only with fear but also with anger and bitterness. “Why me?” they ask.
“This is not fair. I don’t deserve this!”

Caught up in the process of cursing the realities of life, we most often
discover that the pain actually continues to increase.

Often humans are presented with rare opportunities to develop and grow only
through hardship and trial.

We can be certain that there is purpose in our painful circumstances, whenever
and however they occur. And when we know and recognize that there is meaning
behind what we are experiencing, it will transform our pain and will enable us
to relinquish our fear.

The great lesson of human history is that people are always looking for
something else, anything else, to give them significance and security. For so
many men in the world of business and commerce, God is not an option.

Jesus, on two separate occasions, said, “The eye is the lamp of the body.” He
is referring to our perception of reality. He is referring to our perception of
reality. He is revealing that if your perception of reality is routed in the
truth, your life will be full of light—and you will be a healthy and dynamic
man—because you will know who you are and where you are going. You will know
what has true value in life.

What too many good men fail to realize is that this approach to life is utter
foolishness. The ball field, the bedroom, and the wallet are merely outward
experiences that fail to translate into permanent inner fulfillment and
contentment. Furthermore, as time goes by, the ball field, the bedroom, and the
wallet are never able to convince us in our innermost being that we truly
measure up as men.

Character, wisdom, and love make up the essence of what it means to be an
authentic man.

When we think of manhood and masculinity, we should recognize that character,
wisdom, and our ability to love others are at the heart of being a man.

What is Jesus saying when He refers to being rich toward God or finding the true
riches of life? What in this life has God identified as having such true
value? In one sense, I think we have already identified them.

* A man’s character: A good name is more desirable than great wealth (Proverbs 22:1).

* The gaining of wisdom: More valuable than silver and gold; nothing you
desire compares with it (Proverbs 3:13-18).

* The quality of our relationships: Nothing is of greater value than our
relationships; they are truly priceless (1 John 4:7).

I believe at times we all find ourselves subject to the pull of comparison, the
yearning for admiration and fame. After all, these are the measurements of
worldly success. Arrogance and pride, however, unlike true and humble
contentment for a job well done in the service of others, lead us down a
slippery and destructive path as we try to impress others. They often cause us
to inflate and embellish our successes and accomplishments in the process.

Philosopher Blaise Pascal, in his famous work the Pensees, explains the
corrosive power of pride and how it leads men to conceal themselves from others:

It is the nature of self-esteem and of the human self to love only oneself and
to consider oneself alone. But what can a man do? He wants to be great and
finds that he is small; he wants to be happy and finds that he is unhappy; he
wants to be perfect and finds that he is riddled with imperfections; he wants to
be the object of men’s affection and esteem and sees that his faults deserve
only their dislike and contempt. The embarrassing position in which he finds
himself produces in him the most unjust and criminal passion that can possibly
be imagined; he conceives a mortal hatred of the truth which brings him down to
earth and convinces him of his faults. He would like to be able to annihilate
it, and, not being able to destroy it in himself, he destroys it in the minds of
other people. That is to say, he concentrates all his efforts on concealing his
faults both from others and from himself, and cannot stand being made to see
them or their being seen by other people.

Have you ever thought about how much different your life would be if you did not
fear and worry about what others thought of you, if you never had to impress
anyone?

If we cannot be transparent with ourselves and also cannot be transparent with
others, then who are we?

* All of us, without God’s help, live lives of illusion. We spend almost all
of our lives trying to prove to other people and ourselves that we are something
other than what we really are.

Dr. Hans Selye, who was the true pioneer in discovering the impact of emotions
on health, at the end of his life concluded from all his years of research, that
a heart of gratitude is the single most nourishing attitude for a person’s good
health and well-being.

Humility comes powerfully into our lives when God becomes the audience we
perform for. When this happens, human opinion becomes less and less important
to us.

The real problem for us is that being content in the present is difficult. Very
few of us are content with who we are, where we are, or what we have in this
life.

Of course, one of the main reasons we are so discontent with our lives is
because we are always comparing ourselves with others. We measure how well we
are doing in comparison with others. We make mistakes and we feel inferior; we
experience success and we feel superior. As we have seen, our emotions and our
confidence moves with the market and flows with the opinion of others.

Helen Keller, a woman born deaf and blind, knew and understood that the only
thing in life worse than being blind was not to have a vision for your life.

A vision for life truly changes a man and his response to the world around him;
it changes him dramatically.

Viktor Frankl, a noted Jewish psychiatrist, survived the Nazi death camps during
World War II. Frankl was puzzled by the fact that some of his fellow prisoners
wasted away and died, while others remained strong and survived. He looked at a
number of different factors but finally concluded that the single most
significant factor was their sense of a vision for their lives. Those who
survived had a strong motivating conviction that they still had something
significant to do with their lives. Frankl concluded that it was the power of
this vision that kept them going.

Desiderata

written by Max Ehrmann

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.