Why Are Things The Way They Are?

During my junior year in high school, Mr. Reynolds, my English teacher, handed each student a list of thoughts or statements written by other students then gave us a creative writing assignment based on one of those thoughts. At 17, I was beginning to wonder about many things, so I chose the statement, "I wonder why things are the way they are?"

That night, I wrote down in the form of a story all the questions that puzzled me about life. I realized that many of them were hard to answer, and perhaps others couldn't be answered at all.

When I turned in my paper, I was afraid that I might fail the assignment because I had not answered the question, "I wonder why things are the way they are?" I had no answers. I had only written questions.

The next day Mr. Reynolds called me to the front of the class and asked me to read my story for the other students. He handed me my paper and sat down in the back of the room. The class became quiet as I began to read my story.

Mommie, Daddy........Why?
Mommie, why are the roses red?
Mommie, why is the grass green and the sky blue?
Why does a spider have a web and not a house?

Daddy, why can't I play in your toolbox?
Teacher, why do I have to read?
Mother, why can't I wear lipstick to the dance?
Daddy, why can't I stay out until 12:00? The other kids can.

Daddy, why don't the boys like me?
Why do I have to be so skinny?
Why do I have braces and wear glasses?
Why do I have to be 16?

Mom, why do I have to graduate?
Dad, why do I have to grow up?
Mom, Dad, why do I have to leave?
Mom, why don't you write more often?

Dad, why do I miss my old friends?
Dad, why do you love me so much?
Dad, why do you spoil me? Your little girl is growing up.
Mom, why don't you visit?

Mom, why is it hard to make new friends?
Dad, why do I miss being at home?
Dad, why does my heart skip a beat when he looks in my eyes?
Mom, why do my legs tremble when I hear his voice?

Mother, why is being "in love" the greatest feeling in the world?
Daddy, why don't you like to be called "Gramps"?
Mother, why do my baby's tiny fingers cling so tightly to mine?
Mother, why do they have to grow up?

Daddy, why do they have to leave?
Why do I have to be called "Grannie"?
Mommie, Daddy, why did you have to leave me? I need you.
Why did my youth slip past me?

Why does my face show every smile that I have ever given to a friend or a stranger?
Why does my hair glisten a shiny silver?
Why do my hands quiver when I bend to pick a flower?
Why, God, are the roses red?

At the conclusion of my story, my eyes locked with Mr. Reynold's eyes, and I saw a tear slowly sliding down his cheek. It was then that I realized that life is not always based on the answers we receive, but also on the questions that we ask.

Integrity - The Real Bottom Line

by Denis Waitley

A simple motto hung on the living room wall of my grandparents' small frame house,
where many seeds for my development were planted. My grandmother and grandfather
didn't talk about the lines; they lived them.

“Life is like a field of newly fallen snow;
where I choose to walk, every step will show.”

They believed you were either honest or you weren't. There was nothing in between, no
such thing as partial honesty. Integrity, a standard of personal morality and ethics, is not relative to the situation you happen to find yourself in and doesn't sell out to expediency. Its short supply is getting even shorter -- but without it, leadership is a facade.

Learning to see through exteriors is a critical development in the transition from
adolescence to adulthood. Sadly, most people continue to be taken in by big talk and
media popularity, flashy or bizarre looks, and expensive possessions. They move
through most of their years convinced that the externals are what count, and are thus
doomed to live shallow lives. Men and women who rely on their looks or status to feel
good about themselves inevitably do everything they can to enhance the impression
they make -- and do correspondingly little to develop their inner value and personal
growth. The paradox is that the people who try hardest to impress are often the least
impressive. Devotion to image is often for the money it can reap. Puffing to appear
powerful is an attempt to hide insecurity. If only we could see many of our celebrities when their guard and pretenses were down!

The myth that all that counts is bottom-line success often leads to fleeting stardom and ultimate defeat. Ask a thousand has-beens. There are no degrees of integrity. Just as you're pregnant or you're not, you have it or you don't.

Excerpted from “A Tender Warrior”

I pledged my life, my sacred honor, for America many years ago. Millions of men and
women have made a similar pledge. Having lived with that pledge my entire adult life,
after graduating fromWest Point, I can speak with great humility that it has been a
privilege of the highest order to serve at the pleasure of The Commander-In-Chief.
An unequalled pledge of sacred honor took place on April 9, 1865. Before General Lee
surrendered his whole Army to General Grant, all communications between the two
leaders leading up to the surrender ended with, “Your obedient servant.” It was a
closing used by many great American leaders and presidents. But somehow, it became
less important to emphasize civility in communications as America became more
sophisticated and technology rooted.

America used to be the proud home of civility. We can be again. Seldom does
civility stand alone. It is seldom a one-time act. It invites compassion and sacred
honor as sister pillars. It serves others and strengthens the bond in relationships.
As Lee rode “Traveler” to surrender to Grant at Appomattox, Grant formed his Union
troops in two lines. They stood with their swords at attention as Lee, with great dignity, progressed the final yards to the farmhouse, riding between the “formed lines of respect.” With the slow, high-lifting discipline of each hoof, leader was preparing to meet leader at his and America’s best – in the worst of times.

During the surrender, a personal movement of appreciated civility occurred. “General
Lee removed his sword and handed it to General Grant, and Grant handed it back.”
After the surrender, as general Lee mounted his horse to depart, General Grant stepped down from the porch, and, moving toward Lee, saluted him by raising his hat.

All officers present followed him in this act of civility, compassion and honor. Lee raised his hat respectfully, and rode off in great dignity…loving America still. Although both were West Point graduates, they had met only briefly once before.

During the surrender, from their letters in the beginning through the raising of hats at the end,the “good-by” was a leadership exhibition in civility for all. It took the two of them to teach the soldiers present why, and how, we should serve one another – even during military surrender.

The surrender had been elevated to a moment of grace. That is what civility, compassion and sacred honor produce when the servant heart leads the best of leaders. They paved the way for future leaders to emerge in history by leading through authentic practices of civility.

Such leadership moments are never lost in history. Whether signing the Declaration of
Independence, leading a platoon into battle, or surrendering to one another, there are two duties of a leader at all times: He or she is in that role to serve others first and concurrently to lead them to an objective.

A crucial and delicate balance is required. To achieve this, to serve well, he or
she must serve with honor and lead with civility.

-- Shared by Mac Anderson

The Most Important Thing

“Attitude, to me, is more important than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company…a church…a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we embrace for that day. We cannot change our past…we cannot change the fact that people act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude…I am convinced that life is 10 percent what happens to me and 90 percent how I react to it. And so it is with you…we are in charge of our attitudes.”

-Chuck Swindoll

Each Life Affects Anothers

We may not always realize that everything we do
Affects not only our lives but touches others, too.
For a little bit of thoughfulness that shows someone you care
Creates a ray of sunshine for both of you to share.
Yes, every time you show a friend that you care and understand,
Every time you have a kind and gentle word to give
You help someone find beauty in this precious life we live.
For happiness brings happiness, and loving ways bring love.
And giving is the treasure that contentment is made of.

-Amanda Bradley

The worst thing that can be done to someone you love is to do something for them they can and should do for themselves.

- Abraham Lincoln

How To Forgive

Courtesy of Henrik Edberg, The Positivity Blog

"Forgiveness is the answer to the child's dream of a miracle by which what is broken is made whole again, what is soiled is made clean again."
Dag Hammarskjold

"To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness."
Robert Muller

Forgiveness. One of those things many of us struggle with from time to time. But why should we forgive? And how can we go about it
Here are a few timeless thoughts on forgiveness. I hope you'll find something useful.

1. Forgiveness sets you free.

"When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free."
Catherine Ponder

I think this is a great point and one of the best reasons I have found to forgive. It's easy to get wrapped up in thinking that forgiveness is just about something you "should do". But forgiving can in a practical way be extremely beneficial for you.

As long as you don't forgive someone you are linked to that person. Your thoughts will return to the person who wronged you and what s/he did over and over again. The emotional link between the two of you is so strong and inflicts much suffering in you and - as a result of your inner turmoil - most often in other people around you too.

When you forgive you do not only release the other person. You set yourself free too from all of that agony.

2. Forgive yourself.

"The remarkable thing is that we really love our neighbour as ourselves: we do unto others as we do unto ourselves. We hate others when we hate ourselves. We are tolerant toward others when we tolerate ourselves. We forgive others when we forgive ourselves. We are prone to sacrifice others when we are ready to sacrifice ourselves."
Eric Hoffer

What you think and feel about other people is often what you think and feel about yourself. This is not something that may always be obvious. But we do tend to judge and think about people as we think about ourselves. A person who, for instance, is very critical of others tends to, deep down, be very critical of him/herself.

So how do you get better at forgiving others? You can start by forgiving yourself. Because when you start to forgive yourself you get some practise with forgiveness and you also realise how good it feels. You open up to how forgiveness can improve your life and lives of the people around you.

By forgiving yourself - instead of resenting yourself for something you did a week or 10 years ago - you make this habit more and more of a natural part of you. And so forgiving others becomes easier too.

Also, what you think is a question of forgiving others you may sometimes - after some time and inner struggle - discover is just as much, if not more, about forgiving yourself rather than the other person.

3. Remember to forgive everyone.

"We read that we ought to forgive our enemies; but we do not read that we ought to forgive our friends."
Sir. Francis Bacon

It's often pretty easy to see the obvious people to forgive. People who have done something terrible or someone you don't get along with at all.

It's sometimes hard to see that you should forgive yourself for something. It can also be hard to remember to forgive people close to you. There might be relationships where forgiveness could resolve some vague resentment or other negativity that sometimes arises between you and another person.

When you feel such emotions is can be useful to ask yourself questions like: what is unresolved here? Or just: why do I feel this way towards this person? You may get some revealing answers. They might not come the first time you ask yourself though. So keep asking a bit more.

4. When you forgive, really forgive.

"Once a woman has forgiven her man, she must not reheat his sins for breakfast."
Marlene Dietrich

"Most of us can forgive and forget; we just don't want the other person to forget that we forgave."
Ivern Ball

When you forgive, you have to really forgive. Or you will continue to wreck the relationship again and again. And yourself too.

You can view forgiveness as a way to feel like you are the better person of the two of you and then hold your forgiveness over the other person whenever you feel like it to show your superiority.

But it might be more helpful to view forgiveness as a way to release yourself and the other person from being trapped in the past. As a way to throw a big piece of self-inflicted suffering out the window and get on with the rest of your life in a more open and positive way.

5. Forgiveness is not a weakness.

"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."
Mahatma Gandhi

It may sound like forgiveness is a way of giving up or giving in. As a way to be a weak person. While the ones not forgiving are angry, powerful and strong. Such ideas may float around in various parts of your world and society.

But reality is a bit different. Not forgiving just seems to mostly eat you up inside. Your feel angry and may even wish for revenge. You replay arguments and memories over and over. While the person you are resentful of or angry at may often not even be aware of all your thoughts and feelings. And so you go on, creating suffering for yourself.

Forgiving releases you from that suffering. It can also make you feel good about yourself. Doing difficult things you know deep down that you want to do tend to have that effect.

6. With forgiveness the future may become brighter than in your dreams.

"Forgiveness is the key to action and freedom."
Hannah Arendt

"Let us forgive each other - only then will we live in peace."
Leo Nikolaevich Tolstoy

"Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future."
Paul Boose

If you look at from a very practical perspective then forgiveness is the smart thing to do. It saves you a lot of painful expenses. It makes you clearheaded again.

Forgiveness centres you in the now and in yourself once again. You stop regretting what is already in the past. You stop feeding your thought loops of negativity with more energy. And now you can use that energy and focus that was previously spent strengthening those loops to start moving forward again.

Forgiveness might not be pleasant or something you necessarily want to do. You might think the other person is wrong and that you are right. But sometimes you have to do it anyway.

Without really forgiving moving on will be impossible.
So everyone has to choose for themselves.

Do you want to stay in this protected position of feeling right and superior?
Do you want feel like the victim who has been wronged for the rest of your life?

Or do you want make a real change in your life and world?

You will have a hard time getting them both.

It might not always be easy to forgive. But it has many big benefits. And personally I would be a bit wary of playing up forgiveness and what happened more than necessary. Many of our challenges - not all, of course - become so large and complicated in our heads that we build huge, monumental problems.

Making mountains out of molehills is a good way to strengthen a victim mentality or feeling even more right than you did before. It's an effective way to paralyze yourself. It's not a pleasurable or an effective way to live your life and to explore your true potential.

Lives Affecting Lives

Think that your actions and decisions can’t influence those around you
and those young people who look up to you?

STORY NUMBER ONE

Many years ago, Al Capone virtually owned Chicago. Capone wasn't famous for anything heroic. He was notorious for enmeshing the windy city in everything from bootlegged booze and prostitution to murder.

Capone had a lawyer nicknamed "Easy Eddie." He was his lawyer for a good reason. Eddie was very good! In fact, Eddie's skill at legal maneuvering kept Big Al out of jail for a long time. To show his appreciation, Capone paid him very well.

Not only was the money big, but Eddie got special dividends. For instance, he and his family occupied a fenced-in mansion with live-in help and all of the conveniences of the day. The estate was so large that it filled an entire Chicago City block. Eddie lived the high life of the Chicago mob and gave little consideration to the atrocity that went on around him.

Eddie did have one soft spot, however. He had a son that he loved dearly. Eddie saw to it that his young son had the best of everything, clothes, cars, and a good education. Nothing was withheld. Price was no object.

And, despite his involvement with organized crime, Eddie even tried to teach him right from wrong. Eddie wanted his son to be a better man than he was. Yet, with all his wealth and influence, there were two things he couldn't give his son; that he couldn't pass on a good name and a good example.

One day, Easy Eddie reached a difficult decision. Easy Eddie wanted to rectify wrongs he had done. He decided he would go to the authorities and tell the truth about Al "Scarface" Capone, clean up his tarnished name and offer his son some semblance of integrity. To do this, he would have to testify against The Mob, and he knew that the cost would be great. So, he testified. Within the year, Easy Eddie's life ended in a blaze of gunfire on a lonely Chicago Street. But in his eyes, he had given his son the greatest gift he had to offer, at the greatest price he would ever pay.

STORY NUMBER TWO

World War II produced many heroes. One such man was Lieutenant Commander Butch O'Hare. He was a fighter pilot assigned to the aircraft carrier Lexington in the South Pacific.

One day his entire squadron was sent on a mission. After he was airborne, he looked at his fuel gauge and realized that someone had forgotten to top off his fuel tank. He would not have enough fuel to complete his mission and get back to his ship. His flight leader told him to return to the carrier. Reluctantly, he dropped out of formation and headed back to the fleet. As he was returning to the mother ship he saw something that turned his blood cold. A squadron of Japanese aircraft were speeding their way toward the American fleet. The American fighters were gone on a sortie, and the fleet was all but defenseless. He couldn't reach his squadron and bring them back in time to save the fleet. Nor could he warn the fleet of the approaching danger. There was only one thing to do. He must somehow divert them from the fleet. Laying aside all thoughts of personal safety, he dove into the formation of Japanese planes. Wing-mounted 50 calibers blazed as he charged in, attacking one surprised enemy plane and then another. Butch wove in and out of the now broken formation and fired at as many planes as possible until all his ammunition was finally spent. Undaunted, he continued the assault.

He dove at the planes, trying to clip a wing or tail in hopes of damaging as many enemy planes as possible and rendering them unfit to fly. Finally, the exasperated Japanese squadron took off in another direction. Deeply relieved, Butch O'Hare and his tattered fighter limped back to the carrier. Upon arrival he reported in and related the event surrounding his return. The film from the gun-camera mounted on his plane told the tale. It showed the extent of Butch's daring attempt to protect his fleet. He had in fact destroyed five enemy aircraft. This took place on February 20, 1942, and for that action Butch became the Navy's first Ace of W.W.II, and the first Naval Aviator to win the Congressional Medal of Honor. A year later Butch was killed in aerial
combat at the age of 29.

His home town would not allow the memory of this WW II hero to fade, and today, O'Hare Airport in Chicago is named it tribute to the courage of this great man. So the next time you find yourself at O'Hare International, give some thought to visiting Butch's memorial displaying his statue and his Medal of Honor.

It's located between Terminals 1 and 2.

SO WHAT DO THESE TWO STORIES HAVE TO DO WITH EACH OTHER?

Butch O'Hare was Easy Eddie's son.

Things Aren't Always What They Seem

Two traveling angels stopped to spend the night in the home of a wealthy family. The family was rude and refused to let the angels stay in the mansion's guest room. Instead the angels were given a space in the cold basement.

As they made their bed on the hard floor, the older angel saw a hole in the wall and repaired it. When the younger angel asked why, the older angel replied... "Things aren't always what they seem".

The next night the pair came to rest at the house of a very poor, but very hospitable farmer and his wife. After sharing what little food they had the couple let the angels sleep in their bed where they could have a good night's rest.
When the sun came up the next morning the angels found the farmer and his wife in tears. Their only cow, whose milk had been their sole income, lay dead in the field.

The younger angel was infuriated and asked the older angel "how could you have let this happen!? The first man had everything, yet you helped him," he accused. "The second family had little but was willing to share everything, and you let their cow die."

"Things aren't always what they seem," the older angel replied. "When we stayed in the basement of the mansion, I noticed there was gold stored in that hole in the wall. Since the owner was so obsessed with greed and unwilling to share his good fortune, I sealed the wall so he wouldn't find it. Then last night as we slept in the farmers bed, the angel of death came for his wife. I gave him the cow instead. Things aren't always what they seem."

Sometimes this is exactly what happens when things don't turn out the way they should. If you have faith, you just need to trust that every outcome is always to your advantage. You might not know it until some time later.

Rom 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.

DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOU ARE GOING ?

Billy Graham is now 86 years old with Parkinson's disease.

In January 2000, leaders in Charlotte , North Carolina , invited their favorite son, Billy Graham, to a luncheon in his honor..

Billy initially hesitated to accept the invitation because he struggles with Parkinson's disease. But the Charlotte leaders said, "We don't expect a major address. Just come and let us honor you."

So he agreed. After wonderful things were said about him, Dr. Graham stepped to the rostrum, looked at the crowd, and said, "I'm reminded today of Albert Einstein, the great physicist who this month has been honored by Time magazine as the Man of the Century. Einstein was once traveling from Princeton on a train when the conductor came down the aisle, punching the tickets of every passenger. When he came to Einstein, Einstein reached in his vest pocket. He couldn't find his ticket, so he reached in his trouser pockets. It wasn't there, so he looked in his briefcase but couldn't find it. Then he looked in the seat beside him. He still couldn't find it. The conductor said, "Dr. Einstein, I know who you are. We all know who you are. I'm sure you bought a ticket. Don't worry about it.." Einstein nodded appreciatively. The conductor continued down the aisle punching tickets. As he was ready to move to the next car, he turned around and saw the great physicist down on his hands and knees looking under his seat for his ticket. The conductor rushed back and said, "Dr. Einstein, Dr. Einstein, don't worry, I know who you are. No problem. You don't need a ticket. I'm sure you bought one." Einstein looked at him and said, "Young man, I too, know who I am. What I don't know is where I'm going.'"

Having said that Billy Graham continued, "See the suit I'm wearing? It's a brand new suit. My wife, my children, and my grandchildren are telling me I've gotten a little slovenly in my old age. I used to be a bit more fastidious. So I went out and bought a new suit for this luncheon and one more occasion. You know what that occasion is? This is the suit in which I'll be buried. But when you hear I'm dead, I don't want you to immediately remember the suit I'm wearing. I want you to remember this: I not only know who I am .. I also know where I'm going."

What Can I Do?

What can I do?

"What can I do?" she asked me.

"I don't know," I replied.

It was the simple truth. I had no idea what she could do. But just asking was enough.

How many times have you felt helpless and lost when confronted with a friend or perfect stranger who is obviously struggling with something in their life. I went through a divorce and many of my friends stopped calling me. In some instances they saw me approaching at the mall or on the street and they went the other way.

When cancer entered our lives both times, people we expected to hear from never called.

One woman told me that when her husband was dying his best friend and best man at their wedding never stopped by to see him.

Why?

"I don't know what to say."

That's usually the reason for doing nothing and in their minds it's justified. So, on black Friday when Marianne and I went shopping, we stopped for breakfast about half way through. As expected, the restaurant was packed, the service a bit slow and checkout slower.

I had just gotten in line when my phone rang. It was Keith. His voice still reflecting the pain of the news the day before, he said, "It's official. We just got back from the doctor's office and the test confirmed that we will not be having a baby."

Although the news already took its toll on me, hearing it again, hearing him again, made it fresh and cutting.

"Okay, buddy. We'll see you later," I said. "I love you!"

Now, try and convince me that God didn't plan this.

Just then I stepped up to the register and the clerk began to ring up our check and a few other items we wanted.

"Oh, no!" she said. "It shut off. I lost everything." The computer failed and shut down.

She nervously looked around for help. She asked the woman next to her, and she called for the manager while trying desperately not to look upset. It didn't work. She looked up and said, "This had to happen just when I stopped crying. This man got me so angry."

Then she began to cry again.

I assured her that everything was okay.

"I'm in no hurry to get back out there shopping. Take your time. These things happen."

"Sorry you have to wait. "What can I do?" she asked.

"You're doing it," I said. The people behind me weren't so understanding.

"What's wrong?" a woman asked the man nearby.

"She doesn't know what she's doing!" he replied. Immediately I turned and said, "You're wrong. She knows perfectly well what she's doing. The computer failed. She didn't."

I turned back and she was smiling.

"I'm so glad I had you when this happened," she said softly.

After a few minutes everything was up and running. She totaled the sale, I handed her money and as she began to give me my change I reached out with both hands and held hers.

She appeared slightly startled as she looked up at me.

"Thanks, you did a great job. I hope things get better."

Her eyes welled with tears as she whispered "Thank you."

"What can I do?" The timing was perfect. I was struggling with my own issues and God gave me the perfect chance to touch someone else who was struggling, too.

Someone is in pain and hurting today. Someone's marriage is falling apart.
Someone just found out they have cancer. Someone is dying.

"What can I do?"

Stop and ask them that. It's a start.

The Art of Prayer

The key to the art of prayer is thought. As we think so we pray.

The highest level of prayer is to think God’s thoughts after Him, to attune our lives to love, hope, faith, justice, kindness; to become open channels for the goodness of God.

Prayer is quiet mediation about eternal values. It is the mind adventuring in the universe. Prayer moves with the instantaneous speed of thought, through infinite space, to the four corners of the earth, to the depth of the human heart, to the mountaintop of aspiration…

Prayer is a cup held high to be filled. It is an inward quest for inspiration. It is mentally reaching out for the great thoughts and illuminations of man in his continual search for meaning.

Prayer does not change God, it changes us. It increases insight and intuitive perceptions, and expands consciousness. It transforms personality.

Prayer opens doors to let in God and let out self, to; let in love and let out hate, to let in faith and let out fear.

Prayer helps us to find ourselves. By praying not to get more, but to be more, we discover a way to serve, a purpose for which to live, a dream to make real.

Prayer brings God into our relationships with our fellow men. We gain a wider awareness of the needs of others and a wiser knowledge of how to respond.

Prayer helps us to find the way, just as a hunter lost in the woods climbs a tall tree to get his bearings.

Prayer is thinking and thanking. It is thinking of our many blessings and accepting them with a thankful spirit.

Prayer works in the mind as a healing force. It calms the patient, enlightens the physician, guides the surgeon, and it often victoriously applies the power of the spirit when all seems lost. It proves, over and over again, the truth of Tennyson’s words: “More things are wrought by prayer than this world dreams of.”

Prayer puts us on God’s side. It aligns us with life’s highest purposes, aims and ideals.

Prayer is power always available. In “The Practice of the Presence of God,” Brother Lawrence said that even amidst the clatter of pots and pans in the monastery kitchen, “I possess God in as a great a tranquility as when on my knees.”

Prayer is dedicating our thought, feeling, and action to the expression of goodness. It is to become like a window through with the light of God shines.

Think Like A Winner

What are the traits that make one man a winner and another man a loser? The big difference is in how a man thinks. His attitude will govern his actions.

For instance…

• A winner is always ready to tackle something new…a loser is prone to believe it can’t be done.

• A winner isn’t afraid of competition…a loser excuses himself with the idea that the competition beat him out.

• A winner knows he’s sometimes wrong and is willing to admit his mistakes…a loser can usually find someone to blame.

• A winner is challenged by a new problem…a loser doesn’t want to face it.

• A winner is decisive…a loser frustrates himself with indecision.

• A winner realizes there is no time like the present to get a job done…a loser is prone to procrastinate with the hope that things will be better tomorrow.

• A winner thinks positively…acts positively…and lives positively…a loser usually has a negative attitude and a negative approach to everything.

• So, if you want to be a winner, think like a winner…act like a winner…and sooner than you think, you will be a winner.

THE DISEASE OF ME

THE DISEASE OF ME = THE DEFEAT OF US

SIX DANGER SIGNALS OF THE DISEASE OF ME:

1. CHRONIC FEELINGS OF UNDER APPRECIATION – FOCUS ON ONESELF.

2. PARANOIA OVER BEING CHEATED OUT OF ONE’S RIGHTFUL SHARE.

3. LEADERSHIP VACUUM RESULTING FROM FORMATION OF CLIQUES AND RIVALRIES.

4. FEELINGS OF FRUSTRATION EVEN WHEN THE TEAM PERFORMS SUCCESSFULLY.

5. PERSONAL EFFORT MUSTERED SOLELY TO OUTSHINE ONE’S TEAMMATE.

6. RESENTMENT OF THE COMPETENCE OF ANOTHER – REFUSE TO ADMIT HIS CONTRIBUTION.


"The most difficult thing for individuals to do when they become part of a team is to sacrifice; it is much easier to be selfish."

STAY CONNECTED TO WHY YOU ARE DOING THINGS

“The more I want to get something done, the less I call it work.” Richard Bach

This quote was shared with me by a fellow coach & colleague. I think it is such a great quote that I share it with you. Isn’t it so true that the more we want to get something done, the less it feels like “work”?

This quote led me to start pondering about the things I wanted to do in my work versus the things I felt I had to do. I wondered what caused me to *want* to do some things as opposed to others on my never ending to-do list?

After some reflection, I realized that the items that I wanted to do were usually connected to feeling useful and feeling that I was helping someone else. It was the sense of purpose behind what I was doing that motivated me. This was interesting to note. Sometimes it’s easy to get disconnected from the ‘why’ of what we are doing and get stuck in the ‘what’ of what we are doing.

When is the last time you asked yourself ‘why am I doing this?’ And I don’t mean when the answer of ‘for a paycheck’! Yes, we all work for a paycheck (and the tax man!) but we also work for other reasons. We work to express our creativity in the world, we work to exercise our natural talents and skills, we work to grow and expand our understanding and abilities, and we work to help others and to contribute to our community.

So, why are you working? What got you into this field? What are the things on your to-do list that you do easily, quickly and without hesitation? When we can identify the *why* of why we are working by looking at the things that don’t *feel* like work to us, it can help us alleviate the burden we sometimes feel from tasks that feel like drudgery.

The next time you find yourself procrastinating or dreading a task, take a moment to re-connect to the greater purpose of your work. What part of your job makes you feel alive, useful and like a contributor to the world?

Sometimes it can be hard to stay motivated to do any work. When you find yourself feeling de-motivated it’s especially important to understand *why* you are choosing to do the work that you do. It’s essential to make sure you are working for the right reasons. It’s rarely just about the money!

He Turns Boys Into Men

By Jeffrey Marx

Young faces usually filled with warmth and wonder are now taut with anticipation and
purpose. Eyes are lasers. Hearts are pounding. This is nothing unusual for the final
minutes before a high school football game. But a coach and his players are about to
share an exchange that is downright foreign to the tough-guy culture of football.

The coach, Joe Ehrmann, is a former NFL star, now 55 and hobbled, with white hair and
gold-rimmed glasses. Still, he is a mountain of a man. Standing before the Greyhounds
of Gilman School in Baltimore, Ehrmann does not need a whistle.

“What is our job as coaches?” Ehrmann asks.

“To love us!” the Gilman boys yell back in unison.

“What is your job?” Ehrmann shouts back.

“To love each other!” the boys respond.

The words are spoken with the commitment of an oath, the enthusiasm of a pep rally.

This is football?

It is with Ehrmann. It is when the whole purpose of being here is to totally redefine what it means to be a man.

This is lofty work for a volunteer coach on a high school football field. It is work that makes Ehrmann the most important coach in America.

In his eighth season at Gilman, Ehrmann’s résumé is anything but ordinary for a
defensive coordinator. After 13 years in professional football, most of them as a
defensive lineman for the Baltimore Colts, he retired in 1985 and began tackling much
more significant challenges. As an inner-city minister and founder of a community
center known as The Door, Ehrmann worked the hard streets of East Baltimore. He also
co-founded a Ronald McDonald House for sick children and launched a racial reconciliation project called Mission Baltimore. Now he’s a pastor at the 4000-member
Grace Fellowship Church and president of a national organization that supports abused
children.

“He’s a lot of things to a lot of people,” says Maryland Gov.. Robert L. Ehrlich Jr. “He’s really an opinion leader. And what I love about Joe—it’s not just the messages. It’s the messenger. He’s a very unique man. Gentle. Principled. Committed. And effective.”

The Challenge for Men

Aside from the X’s and O’s of football, everything Ehrmann teaches at Gilman stems
from his belief that our society does a horrible job of teaching boys how to be men and that virtually every problem we face can somehow be traced back to this failure. That is why he developed a program called Building Men for Others, which has become the signature philosophy of Gilman football.

The first step is to tear down what Ehrmann says are the standard criteria—athletic
ability, sexual conquest and economic success—that are constantly held up in our
culture as measurements of manhood.

“Those are the three lies that make up what I call ‘false masculinity,’” Ehrmann says. “The problem is that it sets men up for tremendous failures in our lives. Because it gives us this concept that what we need to do as men is compare what we have and compete with others for what they have.“

As a young boy, I’m going to compare my athletic ability to yours and compete for
whatever attention that brings. When I get older, I’m going to compare my girlfriend to yours and compete for whatever status I can acquire by being with the prettiest or the coolest or the best girl I can get. Ultimately, as adults, we compare bank accounts and job titles, houses and cars, and we compete for the amount of security and power that those represent.“

We compare, we compete. That’s all we ever do. It leaves most men feeling isolated
and alone. And it destroys any concept of community.”

The Solution

Ehrmann offers a simple but powerful solution. His own definition of what it means to be a man—he calls it “strategic masculinity”—is based on only two things: relationships and having a cause beyond yourself.

“Masculinity, first and foremost, ought to be defined in terms of relationships,” Ehrmann says. “It ought to be taught in terms of the capacity to love and to be loved.. It comes down to this: What kind of father are you? What kind of husband are you? What kind of coach or teammate are you? What kind of son are you? What kind of friend are you? Success comes in terms of relationships.

And then all of us ought to have some kind of cause, some kind of purpose in our lives that’s bigger than our own individual hopes, dreams, wants and desires. At the end of our life, we ought to be able to look back over it from our deathbed and know that somehow the world is a better place because we lived, we loved, we were othercentered, other-focused.”

The Way We Learn

How is all of this taught within the context of football?

From the first day of practice through the last day of the season, Ehrmann and his best friend, Head Coach Biff Poggi, bombard their players with stories and lessons about being a man built for others.

They stress that Gilman football is all about living in a community. It is about fostering relationships. It is about learning the importance of serving others. While coaches elsewhere scream endlessly about being tough, Ehrmann and Poggi teach concepts such as empathy, inclusion and integrity. They emphasize Ehrmann’s code of conduct for manhood: accepting responsibility, leading courageously, enacting justice on behalf of others.

“I was blown away at first,” says Sean Price, who joined the varsity as a freshman and is now a junior. “All the stuff about love and relationships—I didn’t really understand why it was part of football. After a while, though, getting to know some of the older guys on the team, it was the first time I’ve ever been around friends who really cared about me.”

Helping Others

Four hours before each game, the Gilman players file into a meeting room for bagels,
orange juice and Building Men for Others 101. Ehrmann and Poggi tell their players they expect greatness out of them. But the only way they will measure greatness is by the impact the boys make on other people’s lives.

Ultimately, the boys are told, they will make the greatest impact on the world—will bring the most love and grace and healing to people—by constantly basing their actions and thoughts on one simple question: What can I do for you?

That explains the rule that no Gilman football player should ever let another student— football player or not—sit by himself in the school lunchroom. “How do you think that boy feels if he’s eating all alone?” Ehrmann asks his players. “Go get him and bring him over to your table.”

There are other rules that many coaches would consider ludicrous. No boy is cut from
the Gilman team based on athletic ability. Every senior plays—and not only late in
lopsided games. Coaches must always teach by building up instead of tearing down. As
Ehrmann puts it in a staff notebook: “Let us be mindful never to shame a boy but to
correct him in an uplifting and loving way.

”Whenever Ehrmann speaks publicly about Building Men for Others—usually at a
coaching clinic, a men’s workshop or a forum for parents—someone inevitably asks
about winning and losing: “All this touchy-feely stuff sounds great, but kids still want to win, right?”

“Well, we’ve had pretty good success,” Ehrmann says. “But winning is only a byproduct
of everything else we do—and it’s certainly not the way we evaluate ourselves.”

Win for Life

Unless pressed for specifics, Ehrmann does not even mention that Gilman finished
three of the last six seasons undefeated and No. 1 in Baltimore. In 2002, the
Greyhounds ranked No. 1 in Maryland and climbed to No. 14 in the national rankings..

Much more important to Ehrmann is the way that his team ends each season when
nobody else is watching. Before the last game, each senior stands before his
teammates and coaches to read an essay titled “How I Want To Be Remembered When
I Die.”

Here is something linebacker David Caperna—reading from his own “obituary”—said
last year: “

David was a man who fought for justice and accepted the consequences of his actions.
He was not a man who would allow poverty, abuse, racism or any sort of oppression to
take place in his presence. David carried with him the knowledge and pride of being a
man built for others."

The most important coach in America sat back and smiled. Win or lose on the field of
play, Joe Ehrmann had already scored the kind of victory that would last a lifetime..

To Be A Better Man:

Recognize the “three lies of false masculinity.” Athletic ability, sexual conquest and economic success are not the best measurements of manhood.

Allow yourself to love and be loved. Build and value relationships.

Accept responsibility, lead courageously and enact justice on behalf of others. Practice the concepts of empathy, inclusion and integrity.

Learn the importance of serving others. Base your thoughts and actions on “What can I
do for you?”

Develop a cause beyond yourself. Try to leave the world a better place because you
were here.

"Giving back"

By Bob Perks

Life isn't about what you get from it.
Life is about what you give to it.

It's another Monday. For some, just hearing that brings a feeling of sadness,
depression and angst.

As a society we buy in to such things and those who don't, appear to be pollyanna-like,
foolish, die hard, the glass is always half full, positive thinkers.

But times are changing.

I am tired of turning on the TV to see another senseless act of violence. I am sick of
reading about the stock market, job loss, armed robberies and war.

Still, I am not foolish enough to believe that all I need to do is turn off the television, stop
reading the newspapers and avoid the internet.

I must still remain aware but balance it all with hope, faith and logic.

Here is the truth. In spite of all the ugly in the world, the beautiful is overwhelming.

You cannot hide from the day. Violence and hatred does not stop simply by denying it.

As much as you hate Mondays, the sun waits for no one.

The truth is...There is no giving up or giving in on life, just giving back.

If you awoke this morning and are dreading heading into work, remind yourself there are
millions now unemployed.

Give back. Find time to help those who have no work to go to.

If you want to hide from the news of a more violent society do something...give back.

It is said that Mother Theresa was asked to join a protest against the war. Her reply
was no. "When you have a demonstration for Peace, I will participate."

Give back...do something peaceful.

For every act of violence do two acts of kindness.

For everything you see as ugly plant something beautiful.

Be aware of what's wrong in the world and do what's right.

Monday? "Thanks, God! I'll spend it giving back!"