STAY CONNECTED TO WHY YOU ARE DOING THINGS

“The more I want to get something done, the less I call it work.” Richard Bach

This quote was shared with me by a fellow coach & colleague. I think it is such a great quote that I share it with you. Isn’t it so true that the more we want to get something done, the less it feels like “work”?

This quote led me to start pondering about the things I wanted to do in my work versus the things I felt I had to do. I wondered what caused me to *want* to do some things as opposed to others on my never ending to-do list?

After some reflection, I realized that the items that I wanted to do were usually connected to feeling useful and feeling that I was helping someone else. It was the sense of purpose behind what I was doing that motivated me. This was interesting to note. Sometimes it’s easy to get disconnected from the ‘why’ of what we are doing and get stuck in the ‘what’ of what we are doing.

When is the last time you asked yourself ‘why am I doing this?’ And I don’t mean when the answer of ‘for a paycheck’! Yes, we all work for a paycheck (and the tax man!) but we also work for other reasons. We work to express our creativity in the world, we work to exercise our natural talents and skills, we work to grow and expand our understanding and abilities, and we work to help others and to contribute to our community.

So, why are you working? What got you into this field? What are the things on your to-do list that you do easily, quickly and without hesitation? When we can identify the *why* of why we are working by looking at the things that don’t *feel* like work to us, it can help us alleviate the burden we sometimes feel from tasks that feel like drudgery.

The next time you find yourself procrastinating or dreading a task, take a moment to re-connect to the greater purpose of your work. What part of your job makes you feel alive, useful and like a contributor to the world?

Sometimes it can be hard to stay motivated to do any work. When you find yourself feeling de-motivated it’s especially important to understand *why* you are choosing to do the work that you do. It’s essential to make sure you are working for the right reasons. It’s rarely just about the money!

He Turns Boys Into Men

By Jeffrey Marx

Young faces usually filled with warmth and wonder are now taut with anticipation and
purpose. Eyes are lasers. Hearts are pounding. This is nothing unusual for the final
minutes before a high school football game. But a coach and his players are about to
share an exchange that is downright foreign to the tough-guy culture of football.

The coach, Joe Ehrmann, is a former NFL star, now 55 and hobbled, with white hair and
gold-rimmed glasses. Still, he is a mountain of a man. Standing before the Greyhounds
of Gilman School in Baltimore, Ehrmann does not need a whistle.

“What is our job as coaches?” Ehrmann asks.

“To love us!” the Gilman boys yell back in unison.

“What is your job?” Ehrmann shouts back.

“To love each other!” the boys respond.

The words are spoken with the commitment of an oath, the enthusiasm of a pep rally.

This is football?

It is with Ehrmann. It is when the whole purpose of being here is to totally redefine what it means to be a man.

This is lofty work for a volunteer coach on a high school football field. It is work that makes Ehrmann the most important coach in America.

In his eighth season at Gilman, Ehrmann’s résumé is anything but ordinary for a
defensive coordinator. After 13 years in professional football, most of them as a
defensive lineman for the Baltimore Colts, he retired in 1985 and began tackling much
more significant challenges. As an inner-city minister and founder of a community
center known as The Door, Ehrmann worked the hard streets of East Baltimore. He also
co-founded a Ronald McDonald House for sick children and launched a racial reconciliation project called Mission Baltimore. Now he’s a pastor at the 4000-member
Grace Fellowship Church and president of a national organization that supports abused
children.

“He’s a lot of things to a lot of people,” says Maryland Gov.. Robert L. Ehrlich Jr. “He’s really an opinion leader. And what I love about Joe—it’s not just the messages. It’s the messenger. He’s a very unique man. Gentle. Principled. Committed. And effective.”

The Challenge for Men

Aside from the X’s and O’s of football, everything Ehrmann teaches at Gilman stems
from his belief that our society does a horrible job of teaching boys how to be men and that virtually every problem we face can somehow be traced back to this failure. That is why he developed a program called Building Men for Others, which has become the signature philosophy of Gilman football.

The first step is to tear down what Ehrmann says are the standard criteria—athletic
ability, sexual conquest and economic success—that are constantly held up in our
culture as measurements of manhood.

“Those are the three lies that make up what I call ‘false masculinity,’” Ehrmann says. “The problem is that it sets men up for tremendous failures in our lives. Because it gives us this concept that what we need to do as men is compare what we have and compete with others for what they have.“

As a young boy, I’m going to compare my athletic ability to yours and compete for
whatever attention that brings. When I get older, I’m going to compare my girlfriend to yours and compete for whatever status I can acquire by being with the prettiest or the coolest or the best girl I can get. Ultimately, as adults, we compare bank accounts and job titles, houses and cars, and we compete for the amount of security and power that those represent.“

We compare, we compete. That’s all we ever do. It leaves most men feeling isolated
and alone. And it destroys any concept of community.”

The Solution

Ehrmann offers a simple but powerful solution. His own definition of what it means to be a man—he calls it “strategic masculinity”—is based on only two things: relationships and having a cause beyond yourself.

“Masculinity, first and foremost, ought to be defined in terms of relationships,” Ehrmann says. “It ought to be taught in terms of the capacity to love and to be loved.. It comes down to this: What kind of father are you? What kind of husband are you? What kind of coach or teammate are you? What kind of son are you? What kind of friend are you? Success comes in terms of relationships.

And then all of us ought to have some kind of cause, some kind of purpose in our lives that’s bigger than our own individual hopes, dreams, wants and desires. At the end of our life, we ought to be able to look back over it from our deathbed and know that somehow the world is a better place because we lived, we loved, we were othercentered, other-focused.”

The Way We Learn

How is all of this taught within the context of football?

From the first day of practice through the last day of the season, Ehrmann and his best friend, Head Coach Biff Poggi, bombard their players with stories and lessons about being a man built for others.

They stress that Gilman football is all about living in a community. It is about fostering relationships. It is about learning the importance of serving others. While coaches elsewhere scream endlessly about being tough, Ehrmann and Poggi teach concepts such as empathy, inclusion and integrity. They emphasize Ehrmann’s code of conduct for manhood: accepting responsibility, leading courageously, enacting justice on behalf of others.

“I was blown away at first,” says Sean Price, who joined the varsity as a freshman and is now a junior. “All the stuff about love and relationships—I didn’t really understand why it was part of football. After a while, though, getting to know some of the older guys on the team, it was the first time I’ve ever been around friends who really cared about me.”

Helping Others

Four hours before each game, the Gilman players file into a meeting room for bagels,
orange juice and Building Men for Others 101. Ehrmann and Poggi tell their players they expect greatness out of them. But the only way they will measure greatness is by the impact the boys make on other people’s lives.

Ultimately, the boys are told, they will make the greatest impact on the world—will bring the most love and grace and healing to people—by constantly basing their actions and thoughts on one simple question: What can I do for you?

That explains the rule that no Gilman football player should ever let another student— football player or not—sit by himself in the school lunchroom. “How do you think that boy feels if he’s eating all alone?” Ehrmann asks his players. “Go get him and bring him over to your table.”

There are other rules that many coaches would consider ludicrous. No boy is cut from
the Gilman team based on athletic ability. Every senior plays—and not only late in
lopsided games. Coaches must always teach by building up instead of tearing down. As
Ehrmann puts it in a staff notebook: “Let us be mindful never to shame a boy but to
correct him in an uplifting and loving way.

”Whenever Ehrmann speaks publicly about Building Men for Others—usually at a
coaching clinic, a men’s workshop or a forum for parents—someone inevitably asks
about winning and losing: “All this touchy-feely stuff sounds great, but kids still want to win, right?”

“Well, we’ve had pretty good success,” Ehrmann says. “But winning is only a byproduct
of everything else we do—and it’s certainly not the way we evaluate ourselves.”

Win for Life

Unless pressed for specifics, Ehrmann does not even mention that Gilman finished
three of the last six seasons undefeated and No. 1 in Baltimore. In 2002, the
Greyhounds ranked No. 1 in Maryland and climbed to No. 14 in the national rankings..

Much more important to Ehrmann is the way that his team ends each season when
nobody else is watching. Before the last game, each senior stands before his
teammates and coaches to read an essay titled “How I Want To Be Remembered When
I Die.”

Here is something linebacker David Caperna—reading from his own “obituary”—said
last year: “

David was a man who fought for justice and accepted the consequences of his actions.
He was not a man who would allow poverty, abuse, racism or any sort of oppression to
take place in his presence. David carried with him the knowledge and pride of being a
man built for others."

The most important coach in America sat back and smiled. Win or lose on the field of
play, Joe Ehrmann had already scored the kind of victory that would last a lifetime..

To Be A Better Man:

Recognize the “three lies of false masculinity.” Athletic ability, sexual conquest and economic success are not the best measurements of manhood.

Allow yourself to love and be loved. Build and value relationships.

Accept responsibility, lead courageously and enact justice on behalf of others. Practice the concepts of empathy, inclusion and integrity.

Learn the importance of serving others. Base your thoughts and actions on “What can I
do for you?”

Develop a cause beyond yourself. Try to leave the world a better place because you
were here.

"Giving back"

By Bob Perks

Life isn't about what you get from it.
Life is about what you give to it.

It's another Monday. For some, just hearing that brings a feeling of sadness,
depression and angst.

As a society we buy in to such things and those who don't, appear to be pollyanna-like,
foolish, die hard, the glass is always half full, positive thinkers.

But times are changing.

I am tired of turning on the TV to see another senseless act of violence. I am sick of
reading about the stock market, job loss, armed robberies and war.

Still, I am not foolish enough to believe that all I need to do is turn off the television, stop
reading the newspapers and avoid the internet.

I must still remain aware but balance it all with hope, faith and logic.

Here is the truth. In spite of all the ugly in the world, the beautiful is overwhelming.

You cannot hide from the day. Violence and hatred does not stop simply by denying it.

As much as you hate Mondays, the sun waits for no one.

The truth is...There is no giving up or giving in on life, just giving back.

If you awoke this morning and are dreading heading into work, remind yourself there are
millions now unemployed.

Give back. Find time to help those who have no work to go to.

If you want to hide from the news of a more violent society do something...give back.

It is said that Mother Theresa was asked to join a protest against the war. Her reply
was no. "When you have a demonstration for Peace, I will participate."

Give back...do something peaceful.

For every act of violence do two acts of kindness.

For everything you see as ugly plant something beautiful.

Be aware of what's wrong in the world and do what's right.

Monday? "Thanks, God! I'll spend it giving back!"

HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE REMEMBERED?

About a hundred years ago, a man looked at the morning newspaper and to his surprise and horror, read his name in the obituary column. The news papers had reported the death of the wrong person by mistake. His first response was shock. Am I here or there? When he regained his composure, his second thought was to find out what people had said about him. The obituary read, "Dynamite King Dies." And also "He was the merchant of death." This man was the inventor of dynamite and when he read the words "merchant of death," he asked himself a question, "Is this how I am going to be remembered?" He got in touch with his feelings and decided that this was not the way he wanted to be remembered. From that day on, he started working toward peace. His name was Alfred Nobel and he is remembered today by the great Nobel Prize.

Just as Alfred Nobel got in touch with his feelings and redefined his values, we should step back and do the same.

What is your legacy?
How would you like to be remembered?
Will you be spoken well of?
Will you be remembered with love and respect?
Will you be missed?

Change your life!
Don’t wait.

To the Virgins, to Make Much of Time

By Robert Herrick

Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,
Old Time is still a-flying:
And this same flower that smiles to-day
To-morrow will be dying.

The glorious lamp of heaven, the sun,
The higher he's a-getting,
The sooner will his race be run,
And nearer he's to setting.

That age is best which is the first,
When youth and blood are warmer;
But being spent, the worse, and worst
Times still succeed the former.

Then be not coy, but use your time,
And while ye may, go marry:
For having lost but once your prime,
You may for ever tarry.

No limits

By Emmet Fox

There is no difficulty that enough love will not conquer; no disease that enough love will not heal; no door that enough love will not open; no gulf that enough love will not bridge; no wall that enough love will not throw down; no sin that enough love will not redeem. It makes no difference how deeply seated may be the trouble, how hopeless the outlook, how muddled the tangle, how great the mistake, sufficient love will dissolve it all.

He Could Not Remember

By Gigi Tchividjian, More Stories from the Heart

There was someone who suffered terribly over a mistake he had made as a young man, for which he thought he could never be forgiven. One day he heard of an elderly lady who had divinely inspired dreams and visions. He finally gathered enough courage to visit her. Over a cup of tea, he asked if she could ask God a question for him.

The woman looked at the man a little curiously. She had never been asked this before. "Yes, I would be happy to”, she answered. "What do you want me to ask Him?"

"Well," the man began, "would you please ask Him what sin it was that I committed as a young man?"

The woman, quite curious now, readily agreed.

A few weeks passed, and the man again went to visit this woman. After another cup of tea he cautiously, timidly asked, "Have you had any visions lately?"

The woman said that she had, and that she had asked God to show her what mistake he had made as a young man. The man, nervous and afraid, hesitated a moment and then asked, "Well, what did He show you?"

The woman looked up into his face and replied gently, "He told me He could not remember."

Quotes on Being Ready

Courtesy of Bob Starkey (http://hoopthoughts.blogspot.com/)

“I will study and get ready, and perhaps my chance will come.”
-Abraham Lincoln

“Miracles come in moments. Be ready and willing.”
-Wayne Dyer

“When the will is ready the feet are light.”
-Proverb

“Happy are those who dream dreams and are ready to pay the price to make them come true.”
-Leon Joseph Cardinal Suenens

“If your're not practicing, somebody else is, somewhere, and he'll be ready to take your job.”
-Brooks Robinson

“The beautiful souls are they that are universal, open, and ready for all things”
-Michel de Montaigne

“Losing doesn't eat at me the way it used to. I just get ready for the next play, the next game, the next season.”
-Troy Aikman

“Great minds must be ready not only to take opportunities, but to make them.”
-Charles Caleb Colton

“The secret of success in life is for a man to be ready for his opportunity when it comes.”
-Benjamin Disraeli

“Action springs not from thought, but from a readiness for responsibility.”
-Dietrich Bonhoeffer

“If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment."
-Henry David Thoreau

JON GORDON ON LEAVING A LEGACY

Great stuff from Jon Gordon (http://www.jongordon.com/)

In Training Camp I wrote that every one of us is going to leave a legacy. It just depends on what kind. So what kind of legacy do you want to leave? I encourage you to think about it because knowing how you want to be remembered helps you decide how to live and work today. Consider the following ways to leave a legacy and then identify other legacies you can share.

1. A Legacy of Excellence - Saint Francis of Assisi said, "It’s no use walking anywhere to preach unless your preaching is your walking." To leave a legacy of excellence, strive to be your best every day. As you strive for excellence you inspire excellence in others. You serve as a role model for your children, your friends and your colleagues. One person in pursuit of excellence raises the standards and behaviors of everyone around them. Your life is your greatest legacy and since you only have one life to give, give all you can.

2. A Legacy of Encouragement - You have a choice. You can lift others up or bring them down. Twenty years from now when people think of you what do you want them to remember? The way you encouraged them or discouraged them? I recently spent a few days with Ken Blanchard, author of The One Minute Manager, and I had the opportunity to thank him for his support, encouragement and the difference he has made in my life. He not only inspired me by the way he lived his life but also by the way he encouraged me as a writer and speaker. Who will you encourage today? Be that person that someone will call five, ten or twenty years from now and say “Thank you, I couldn’t have done it without you.”

3. A Legacy of Purpose - People are most energized when they are using their strengths and talents for a purpose beyond themselves. To leave a legacy of purpose, make your life about something bigger than you. While you’re not going to live forever you can live on through the legacy you leave and the positive impact you make in the world.

4. A Legacy of Love - I often think about my Mom, who passed away four years ago, and when I think about her I don’t recall her faults and mistakes or the disagreements we had. After all, who is perfect? But what I remember most about her was her love for me. She gave me a legacy of love that I now share with others. Share a legacy of love and it will embrace generations to come.

FOUR RULES OF TIME

By Brian Tracy

There are four rules of time. The first is that time is perishable. This means that it cannot be saved. In fact, time can only be spent. Because time is perishable, the only thing you can do with it is to spend it differently, to reallocate your time away from activities of low value and toward activities of higher value. But once it is gone, it is gone forever.

Time is Indispensable

The second rule of time is that time is indispensable. All work requires time. No matter what it is you want to do in life, even looking out a window or sleeping in for a few extra minutes, it requires a certain amount of time. And according to the 10/90 Rule, the 10% of time that you take to plan your activities carefully in advance will save you 90% of the effort involved in achieving your goals later. The very act of thinking through and planning your work in advance will dramatically reduce the amount of time that it takes you to do the actual job.

The Currency of the Future

The third rule of time is that time is irreplaceable. Nothing else will do, especially in relationships. Time is the only currency that means anything in your relationships with the members of your family, your friends, colleagues, customers and coworkers. Truly effective people give a lot of thought to creating blocks of time that they can then spend, without interruption, with the important people in their lives.

Spell The Word Correctly

There is a question: "How do children spell the word 'Love'?" And the answer is "T-I-M-E." It is the same with your spouse, as well. The important people in your life equate the amount of time that you spend with them, face to face, head to head, knee to knee, with the amount that you actually love them.

Grow Your Relationships

The more time that you spend with another person, especially a member of your family, the deeper grows your understanding and affection for that person. If you get too busy to spend time with your children, you eventually lose contact with them and they go off into their own personal world of school, peers and other activities.

The Key to Goal Achievement

The fourth rule is that time is essential for accomplishment. Every goal you want to achieve, everything you want to accomplish, requires time. In fact, one of the smartest things you ever do, when you set a goal, is to sit down and allocate the exact amount of time that you are going to have to invest to achieve that goal. The failure to do this almost always leaves the goal unaccomplished.

Action Exercises

1.Decide today to redirect and reallocate your time away from low-value tasks and toward high-value activities.

2.Make a plan to spend more time face-to-face with the most important people in your life. The more you think about the use of your time, the better you will become!